Lately I'd been feeling that my walk with the Lord had stalled and that he had quite possibly forsaken me. It seemed like all the forces of the universe had conspired against me, and the Lord allowed them to happen. It made me angry and I railed at God with a rant to end all rants. I yelled and screamed at him. I was like King David having an argument with my beloved, but I think I may have put David to shame.
Let me backtrack and explain.
In January of this year, I got a new car. It's a beautiful car, an '09 Chevy Malibu. That was a good thing. I was tired of being a one-car family and being confined to the house every day because my husband took the car to work every day. But he was racking up the miles on that car, and no question about it, we needed another car.
On May 10, my sister Corri and I were leaving a job interview she had, when we were the victims of a car accident. A woman in a silver SUV ran a red late, and only by God's grace did I see her at the last minute and slammed on my brakes. It saved us from being hit square in my sister's door, which I'd been having visions of happening for a few days before the accident. But I couldn't stop fast enough and the woman swiped across the front end of my car, with me crashing into her driver's side quarter panel and door.
Thank God, no one was hurt, but my beautiful car was all banged up. Additional thanks to God because she had inurance AND got the ticket for running the red light. Luckily, I didn't have to pay a penny out of pocket on the repairs.
I hadn't had my car back for even a month yet, when my husband and I went to the Navy base to get a pass for my car. He's a Navy retiree and since I'm his dependent, I can come and go on base as I please. I only go there to bank and use the veterinary services for my cats. Leaving badge and pass, Al, my husband, noticed a big crack on the driver's side fender, along with streaks of white paint. We'd been victims of a hit and run.
This time we weren't so lucky. The person who hit the car didn't bother to leave a note or anything. I had no choice but to submit that to my insurance and I have a $250 deductible. If not for the generosity of my best friend Amy, I'd never have been able to get it fixed. She gave me the $250 and told me I didn't have to pay it back.
A couple of weeks ago, Corri and I were sitting in the house, watching television. I kept hearing banging coming from outside, and it sounded like things were being thrown at my house. I went outside on the porch and saw no one. Nothing appeared to be amiss. The next day, Al went to use my car for an errand, and discovered the driver's door window had a huge crack running from the top of the window down to the bottom.
Seriously? Yes. Seriously.
This time my deductible was $100 for glass breakage, and we just got it fixed yesterday. That's two claims I've had to submit to my insurance, and now my premiums are going to go up. Joy.
It doesn't stop there.
The reason my sister is living with us is because she's a bipolar alcoholic without a job. She's got nowhere else to go but here. We are dealing with it, and she's doing really well at the moment. She's had a couple of DUIs, and the last one she had here in Illinois put her over the top. She's on probation and she has to see her Probation Officer every two weeks, plus attend AA meetings twice a week, and go through an outpatient treatment program. This after she spent two months in an inpatient program. The judge was really hard on her because she showed up at court still drunk from the night before. Her lawyer had to do some fancy footwork to keep her out of jail.
She had almost reached 60 days sobriety, when she fell off the wagon. Her PO showed up here the next day, claiming to have gotten a report of her drinking vodka the night before. At first, I lied about her being here, trying to protect her, but then I told the truth and let the PO into the house. Corri failed her breathalyzer. The PO told her that if she does this one more time, she WILL go straight to jail.
A week later, the same day we discovered the crack in my car window, I was upset and muttered, "What else, Lord?" He showed me quickly. Corri had a fainting spell not five minutes after I muttered those words and this time when she went down, she broke her ankle. Not the good bone to break on the inside of the ankle, but the smaller bone on the outside.
She's got no job and no insurance, and the ER wrapped her ankle and sent her to an Orthopedic doctor. They almost weren't going to see her because she didn't have $150 to give them. It gets worse. The doctor cast her ankle, but after a couple of days, her toes were growing numb. She went back to the doctor and he cut off her cast, took some more x-rays, and announced she had to have surgery to set the break with a plate and screws. The hospital was worse than the doctor. They wanted $10,000 up front.
Seriously? The state of health care in this country sucks when a hospital refuses a needed surgery because she doesn't have $10,000. They took her anyway, but not before giving her a big run around and making her jump through hoops to apply for public aid.
September 16, at my alma mater's homecoming football game, I popped out my knee while walking down the bleachers. It hurt so bad I saw stars, and I couldn't walk on that leg. I went to the ER, and they gave me crutches and a knee brace, with instructions to see my doctor ASAP. My doctor was on vacation, so I saw another one, who ordered an MRI, which I finally had done last Thursday. I'm back on the crutches because I'm still in so much pain, but I will see my doctor on November 3 to get the results.
In the meantime, I'm gimping around while waiting on Corri, hand and foot, because she can't do anything at all. Nice, right?
Add to that our central heat/air unit went out at the end of summer and we still don't have the money to replace that, and we're just screwed all the way around. I am not going to ask "What else?" anymore, but OH did I let God have it. I yelled and screamed and told him off but good.
Over the last several weeks on Goodreads, I've found myself friend requested by some wonderful Christian women, and subsequently joined their groups. I had an AHA! moment about that. God is telling me that there are no hard feelings and he not only still loves me, he wants me back again.
I had allowed myself, through all my troubles, to let my life verse fall to the wayside, but no more. God is showing me it applies now as much as it ever has.
Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.'"
Maybe if I wouldn't have been so angry at all this hitting at once, I'd have remembered that verse and not gone off on God like a house a-fire.
So take heart, my friends. When the world seems to be crashing down around you, and the Lord allows it to happen, it's because he's calling to you. It helps when we sit up and listen,
No comments:
Post a Comment