God is Good, Even in Times of Sorrow and Pain

As you know, my Jericho has been sick, and I knew his death was imminent, but this morning when I woke, he licked at his food a couple of times, drank some water, and laid down in the litter box.  I knew I had to mke the decision I didn't want to make and put him to sleep, even though I've been begging God to simply take him so I didn't have to make that choice.

I woke my sister to say her goodbyes to Jericho, and woke my husband to drive me to the vet so I could hold and cuddle my baby all the way there.  For his last car ride, there would be no carrier.

We arrived a little early, before the doors opened and we sat in the car as I talked and cried to my furbaby, asking him to forgive me and telling him I was sorry for what I was about to do.  Then a few minutes before the doors opened, we got out of the car and waited with the others as it is a first come, first serve clinic.

Jericho struggled in my arms a bit, trying to find a comfortable position, and then he finally found one, but he made some noises I've never heard him make before and he went still, dying in my arms before the doors even opened.  I didn't realize it until we'd been sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes and he hadn't moved.  I asked my husband if he was gone, and my husband got a tech to come out.  He said, "I'm sorry Ma'am, but he's gone."

I cried out to God and sobbed hysterically, as I'm still doing while I write this entry.  The tech ushered us out of the waiting room and around to the back door, where a nurse met us and tended to my baby.  I kissed him over and over again and told him I loved him and would miss him, paid for an individual cremation with the return of his ashes to me, spent another minute with him and then left with my husband, collapsing outside in hysterics.

But still, I thanked God out loud, for taking him that way and not making me choose to euthanize him.  He gave me a special gift of letting my beloved cat leave this world in my loving arms, knowing he was loved more than anything.  And I know he loved me too.

So thank you again Lord, for that blessing.  You came through, just as I begged you to do.  And thank you for forcing me to find the courage to let go, before Jericho could let go.

You are a good God, and I praise your holy name.